journalentry1

11/13/22

College. One quarter down, (ideally) eleven more to go. I think that all things considered, I've done well for myself.

It was pretty easy getting here and acclimating to the new environment. By easy, of course, I am excluding the year of mental torment it took me to be ready to even attempt attending college. I exclude the gripping fear of needing people more than they need me, as well as the paralysis I experienced instead of building my portfolio. I exclude how I was dragged kicking and screaming to my applications. That's all behind me now, and while I don't know what to make of it, I do know that it uhhhh,,, definitely warrants a separate journal entry.

In any case, I made it here, and settled in painlessly. I haven't felt homesick once, and though I miss my siblings and my day and my cats, SCAD feels a bit like an alternate universe, like I fell into a portal one day and there's no point in thinking of home until my quest is over. I do not tend to make friends easily, but I made them quickly here. There's probably an important distinction there. I found my future boyfriend on a bus, on his first day here. He is the third person I met here at SCAD, right after my roommates. It is a miracle that my absurd compulsion to slip into his life and his bed resulted in one of the easiest, fulfilling and comfortably compatible relationships I've ever had. Forgive my hyperbole, it's only been two months, but I am a romantic. And a loser. And I am very grateful for him.

I excel in my classes, which helps. I have an B in English, but I have the best grade in my whole Drawing class and I'm comfortable in Digital Communications as well. As always, it comes down to effort. I think I try harder than most people, although that feels weird typing out, like I'm not giving other people enough credit. I've always been talented, but talent isn't enough. You need to want it, I think. Want it like oxygen, which is to say, not want it all. Need it. I could've gotten an A in English if I had tried harder, but apathy set in around Week 7. Very unfortunate. I'm not too upset by it, though! Always another shot, and if I get a decent grade for my last essay, I should skate by. (Although again, I don't want to skate by or coast. I can do good in my sleep, I want to be radiantly excellent.)

I have more to say, but it's getting late and my language is getting pretty pretentious. I need a Red Bull, but all we have are sugar free ones right now. Damn it all. See you in the next one.